First published: 23/10/2021
Aggressive behavior; they can talk about it, the men and women in the hospitality industry. Today we read about yet another incident. The question whether he wanted to return his empty wine glass before they left café Fabels in Enschede cost waitress Shannen Simons dearly. The customer reacted furiously and slapped her in the face. How do you deal with that now?
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Aggressive behavior
Other examples of aggressive behavior in the hospitality industry are also outrageous. For example, there are guests who provoke a conflict by claiming high and low that they did not receive the requested sauce or extra. Or they refuse to pay for their third glass of wine because they only had two. “What do you think, you never learned to count, I guess?”
Guests swear, shout, and speak disparagingly to the employee: “It certainly didn't work out at school, did it, that you're now working here?”
Guests are impatient and demand to get their order immediately because “It's not my problem that it's busy. Then you just walk a bit faster.” Or they come back into the store and throw their order on the counter with the message: “This is inedible! You make something better for me now, bitch.”
This is what happened to Shannen. She saw and heard a couple of guests saying that they wanted to take a wine glass from the business home with them. She spoke to the couple about this and asked them to give the wine glass back. This did not go down well with her husband. He got angry and started yelling at her. Things like: “I have ten times your monthly salary here tonight, you smart-alecky, annoying girl.”
When the woman gave the glass back to Shannen, the man decided to hit her in the face. The blow was hard and Shannen didn't see it coming for a moment. She ran away very fast after the blow, frightened and in tears. When she called her colleagues to talk to the man, the couple had already disappeared.
Belgoo Beer 
Madagascar Vanille
NOOR & NOOR
Jeanne Gennar, Coffee with a Soul
Chef & Knife
Kyzoe Hosting & Design
Belgian Master Butchers
How do you deal with that now?
Aggressive and unwanted behavior leads to stress. And when you are stressed, you can do three things:
- You get angry: you want to fight
- You panic: you want to freeze
- You get scared: you want to run away
Unfortunately, as a hospitality employee you have no choice, because all three possibilities are not a realistic option. You are expected to continue to behave professionally and to continue to help the guest as best as possible.
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Do nothing at all then?
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You try Thoughts, Breathing en Muscle tension to reduce it by counting to 10, breathing calmly, walking back a bit and asking your colleague to help the customer further. Or realizing that his frustration-aggression has nothing to do with you.
Of course, that is easier said than done. That is precisely why it is important that hospitality staff follow an aggression training.
This way you learn that you deal differently with influenceable aggressive behavior than with non-influenceable behavior. That there are different types of aggression. That you have to be able to recognize those types of aggression in order to respond appropriately. And thus prevent it from escalating further. Also what you can do in the team before, during and after the undesirable behavior. Make agreements among colleagues about who does what if something goes wrong: get the manager involved, call the police, never leave your colleague alone, etc.
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Understand or limit
It is good to realize that your behavior can prevent a situation from getting out of hand. As long as people are still susceptible to influence. Because if that is not the case and the guests are under the influence of alcohol and drugs, then it becomes a completely different story.
To know how best to respond to aggressive behavior, you need to know what type of aggression you are dealing with.
1. Frustration-aggression
The guest shouts, curses, swears and is angry because things are not going the way he wants. That is not nice but realize that it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with him. Arguing at home, unpleasant conversation with his boss, his club has lost. You can't do anything about that.
What you can do is show understanding. He wants to be heard and seen, so listen carefully to what he says, summarize it and ask further questions. Show that you sympathize with him. And only then come up with a solution. 'I understand that you find it very annoying that the carpaccio is gone. Especially since it is the second time. I am sorry about that. May I make you another suggestion for a nice starter?'
2. Manipulative aggression
This is also called white-collar aggression. These people don't yell, no, they do it 'nicely': with a smile on their face they humiliate and belittle you, and demand and force you to do what they want: “Do you think you could serve my satay within two minutes or is that too much to ask of those mini brains of yours?”"
3. Gross aggression directed at the person
People start to discriminate, intimidate, insult and threaten. All of that is prohibited and punishable. But that doesn't stop some guests from saying or even doing the most horrible things.
In the case of frustration aggression you show understanding, the other two forms of aggression you must limit: make it clear that you do not accept the behavior and offer the guest a choice: "I experience your behavior as belittling and I do not accept that. If you stop doing that, I want to help you further. Otherwise not." Or: “I don’t want you to yell at me. I want you to stop. Then I’ll help you again.”
If this doesn't work, i.e. if the guest doesn't respond to the choices you offer, you may 'demand'. A catering establishment is not public space and therefore the rules set by the owner apply. If a guest misbehaves, you may demand that he leaves the establishment. If he doesn't, call the police. Give him a choice here too: “I want you to leave now. If you don't, I'll call the police.”
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4. Uninfluenceable behavior
Sometimes people are so under the influence of the four D's (drink, drugs, madness and crowds) that their behavior can no longer be changed. No matter how well you can deal with aggressive behavior, you no longer have any control over them. Then there is only one thing left to do: make sure that you and your colleagues, and of course the other guests in the store, are safe.
Keep your head clear. Try not to panic. Make sure that agreements have been made about who does what in these situations. Take precautions: never lock the building alone, have telephone numbers at hand, keep the escape route clear, etc. Cooperate if necessary to prevent worse. And certainly do not play the hero. Safety comes first!
NOOR & NOOR has decades of experience in setting up and running catering businesses, specialty stores and providing various services, both B2B and B2C.
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5. Safety training
Aggressive behavior from guests will always be there. Unfortunately, as an employer you cannot prevent that. But you can and must (legally) protect your staff as best as possible against aggression and violence. By having them trained. By making aggressive behavior a topic of discussion.
To evaluate incidents and learn from them. And to ensure sufficient staff, especially in the evenings.
Read more about what you can do in case of aggressive behavior.
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